(The following is preaching to myself)
We all find ourselves in one of two spots. You'r either an adult or a child.
Which one are you?
An adult is proactive, a child is reactive.
An adult takes action over emotions and feelings, a child takes actions based on emotions and feelings.
An adult educates, a child frustrates.
An adult listens, a child interrupts.
An adult asks for what they want, a child throws a tantrum to get what they want.
An adult knows life is hard, a child says life isn't fair.
An adult can be content, a child can not sit still.
An adult has roots and a foundation, a child is blown around.
An adult can endure, a child gives up.
An adult knows that change can happen, a child thinks the present moment is all moments.
An adult has close relationships, a child has play dates.
An adult cares about adding value to others, a child cares about adding to ones own success.
An adult talks, a child bites.
An adult knows their limits, a child has no limits.
An adult is collected, a child has an attitude.
An adult is confident in their answers, a child exaggerates their answers.
An adult is honest, a child lies based out of fear.
An adult can be wrong, a child thinks they know everything.
An adult has open hands to life, a child grips tight to life.
As an adult, you are responsible for your feelings, emotions, actions, success, failures, and consequences in life.
As a child, you depend on everyone else for those things.........
The past year has been one of growing up for me. I am talking about the type of growing up that replaces all my good intentions, talk, soapboxing, frustration with religion, life, my business, weight and relationships with actual action.
I am 29. I thought I would already be grown up by now. Our society doesn't do a great job at teaching people how to grow up, to become whole healthy humans, or maybe I was just too young to appreciate what was being taught in my earlier years.
Often my child like frustration comes from not wanting to stare down the reality of life.
I am responsible to take healthy action in life. I am responsible to deal with my emotions, feelings, wants, and desires in life. This DOES NOT fall on anyone else in my life. It is not my wife's job, my parents job, my friends job, or my clients job to take on the responsibility and overall wellness of these things. Those people can help encourage, shape, and give wisdom, but it is not their role to make sure I am having a whole life.
When things go wrong or an expectation is missed, that is on me to deal with. When I wanted to get healthier I was able to come up with every excuse and reason why I couldn't lose weight. Any suggestion or helpful tip was taken offensively. My inner chubby, pizza obsessed child, was coming out. I had to face the reality that I had neglected myself for a couple years. I had to see the things in my life that I talked about doing and actually do them.
The worst thing in the world is to be a child to your friends and family. No one wants to see you be a child. Everyone wants to see you grow up, start doing the things you talk and dream about. Everyone wants you to stop making the excusing and justifications and get your stuff together and move forward. Please, do this, we need you to be you.
The freedom that comes from being an adult is incredible. There is nothing like laying your head down to sleep knowing that all the actions you took that day got you one step closer to where you really want to go in life, work, relationships, and personal health. I can testify to that.
The weight of carrying around your child as an adult is exhausting. It creates this weird tension where you know that you should be somewhere else but you keep repeating the same patterns over and over again. It gets frustrating. It gets depressing. It gets dark. I have been there. You have to be gracious with yourself, but also acknowledge what needs to change and map out how its going to happen.
The only way to do this is to get help. Its ok to ask for help.
So many of us settle in life. We sell ourselves short. We carry unresolved hurt and issues with us from a young age into "adult-hood". This is normal. Life will have hurt...but go get help with that, go to counseling, talk to a friend, read a book, listen to a podcast, literally do anything other than ignoring it or suppressing it or choosing a vice to sooth it.
You don't have to tackle it all tomorrow, it all takes time.
Luckily, we have many years on this Earth, Lord willing. We have time. We have resources. We have thousands of years of mankind showing us what seems to work and doesn't work. We have google. We have YouTube. We have access to so many things that can help us become an adult.
The sooner you become an adult the more free you get. The sooner you become an adult, life gets better.It becomes more spacious. As an adult you find yourself living along side all the fears, doubts, questions, emotions and you no longer catastrophize everything. Appreciation comes easier, time off becomes valued. Relationships grow deeper. You take back the power of your life and you start to do the things you were created to do.
This is what being an adult looks like.
You can do this!