At the core of our existence we have our identity and our ego. Our ego always wants to be right. It thrives on being right because it creates a sense of stability and control, which our minds enjoy for the most part.
Being right is not a bad thing if you know the right answer, but sometimes being right is not always the best option for the situation.
There have been a number of times in my life and in business where I have been “right” but it damaged a relationship and caused bigger issues, all because my ego and pride needed to know it was correct for a sense of security.
Needing to be right all the time is a direct result of needing control, in my opinion. It can often be birthed out of fear and insecurity as well as being uncomfortable with uncertainty.
If you feel the need to always be right you may often find yourself isolated and on your own. It may feel like it’s you against the world, or you against the music industry, but often if you feel this way it may be because you have such a tight grip on control and ego. When you have to be right all the time, you often have to put up walls. When you feel the need to always be right you take a on a spirit of defensiveness and reaction as opposed to acceptance and being proactive.
For years I held tightly to needing to be right. I needed to know that I was good and on the right path in life and business in order to feel like I was in control. I found myself early on fighting stupid battles over music, mixing, mastering, and even how life should work.
I found myself arguing with artists about mixes and the way a kick drum sounded until we were both blue in our face. Even though I may know more about how a kick drum sounds, if the artist wants it to sound different I needed to learn to be ok with it. Really it was my ego, my need to know I was right, my desire to be superior and to show people that I am “good”.
My ideology’s about life and business eventually got to a place where it wasn’t working.
Being right all the time was not a good way to live life.
Being right all the time was hard because I kept running into paradoxes in my life. On one hand I could technically be right about an argument with my wife, yet at the same time I found myself damaging our relationship far beyond what being right does for the mind.
When I need to be right all the time I find myself often neglecting others and their uniqueness. I have learned over the last few years that everyone is very unique and we all have gifts, talents, and things to share with the world.
There are a million ways to live a life, and they all can be the right way.
This is sometimes hard to digest. If that statement makes you tense up or immediately want to become defensive, you’re exactly the type of person who probably tries to control everything in life and needs to know they are right. I was this way for most my life.
It’s exhausting having to always be right. In school I found myself always hating group work. I always believed I worked better alone. I always believed that I was the only one in the group who was dependable and knew the right answers. While, I was good at getting things done, I also took on the work of five people and found myself bitter, upset, and quickly devaluing everyone around me at the sake of my own peace of mind.
My ego needed to know that I was right, doing it the right way, that I was superior. I missed tons of opportunities to let people give their opinions and to find ways to learn from them as opposed to just steam rolling through everything.
In music when I started, I found myself doing the same thing. I needed to be right, so I learned how to engineer, produce, song write, mix, and master - I was even in a band. It was a direct response to me needing to be right and to be able to talk with people and give my opinion so I would feel validated. While learning all those parts of the industry has helped me a lot in my career and making great music with people, the way I went about it at the time was probably much more ego driven then anything.
You have a choice. For me I laid down the burden to be right about everything.
I don’t have to be right all the time. I don’t need to fight that battle in life. I decided a while ago that I would never choose being right over moving forward and progressing with people and the universe that is only going one way... forward. Being right all the time forced me into a narrow world within my own personal life and also in my relationships. I had to constantly build up walls and make sure I kept people around me that lined up with what I said and believed. This creates some security but causes us to live shrunken lives.
Within all of this, I am not saying there is no right or wrong, but you have to be very honest within yourself on your motive for needing to be right. You have to cross examine your soul on why you feel the need to always be right. I am still working on this. Old habits die slowly, but I can assure that when you lay down the burden of always needing to be right you begin to experience a much larger and more spacious life. The universe becomes interesting. Curiously becomes fun, and you begin to see that life is interesting. It is not black and white. It is a paradox.
Sometimes we are right and sometimes we are wrong and most the time it just doesn’t matter in the big picture.
We are here for a moment, embrace opinions, thoughts, and desires, and always pick relationships, people, creation, and love over needing to be right.
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