Are you in denial?
This I learned the hard way.
If we really look at our lives we often find that we are in complete denial of reality and where we actually are at.
We often paint a picture of our life that is better, greater, more successful to the world then what is happening on a day to day basis.
Up until the last few years, I spent much of music career in denial. I was in denial of the level of work I was putting out and of where I actually was. I was this way because to face the reality that I had a long way to go was intimidating.
It's easer to turn our eyes away from our actual reality then to deal with reality.
Years ago I found myself talking to people about this person who wasn't me. A person who had it all together, successful, busy with work, with a perfect life, but in reality when I went home, I was miserable. I had doubts, slow months, and many things I wanted to work on and change, but I felt so much pressure to be a certain way that I would suppress it all.
We do this, because we don't trust people around us to accept us.
We do this because we don't want people to see us for who we are, which is often a work in progress.
This is all normal, but our society has made us believe that we need to lie, we need to be in denial of reality, that we can just act a certain way, say the right things, and that will take care of our own personal unresolved hurt we have.
Once I began to unpack the real me, the one who had slow months, the one who wanted to get in better shape, the one who wanted to become a better husband, there was a lot of hurt. A lot of pain to get over. A lot of processing. It was like a dam had broke and all the water was coming out. All the pressure had built up and now it was out. It felt great but also hurt like hell.
Eventually, the water settles, the pressure is relieved, and you begin to heal. When you begin to be yourself there is something that comes alive in us. It's as if we have been in denial of who we truly are our whole lives. When we finally meet ourselves and show that to people there is a huge burden that goes away. The burden to be cool or popular or perfect goes away. It makes so much more space in your head to focus on getting better.
There is no need to exhaust yourself with putting on a mask or a front anymore.
At the end of the day we are all flawed, all in need of love and all on a journey.
What I learned, was that the sooner I faced where I was, all my realities, the sooner I could start to become a whole human. This required me to look at my work honestly, my finances honestly, my health honestly, my marriage honestly, my relationships honestly. What I found was actually a lot of great things but also a lot of vices and things I had neglected. This is normal.
We sometimes get busy, stressed, things become more of a priority to us and things get neglected. But the longer we neglect something we have the tendency to eventually take that thing and toss it into the closet and close the door. We ignore it to the point of putting it out of our sight. It gets forgotten until one day we open the door and realize we still have to deal with it.
Dealing with it sooner then later is always best.
Facing reality is always better then living in a virtual one. There is nothing more freeing and healing then seeing your flaws and letting people help you heal. To be seen as enough even with your flaws and needs and desires is an amazing feeling. In my experience those that I feared would be ashamed of me or viewed me as weak actually became people who championed me to make change.
So you have a choice today, do you want to face reality and become whole or do you want to keep living in denial?
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