If there is one thing that I have had to combat religiously in the music industry, it is jealousy. This is a topic that I didn't even really realize I had an issue with until I began to take an inventory of how often by mind would wander into the land of jealousy.
Jealousy for me looks a lot like seeing someone having something, achieving something, and thinking why them? Why are they doing that and not me? Why do they have a track with Kanye and not me? Why do they have a Grammy for that album, and not me? Why didn't I get picked to be apart of that album? The list goes on and on.
Jealousy is interesting because it is poking at something deeper within us.
Our identity is not jealousy as humans but we can have the trait of jealousy. It's important to give ourselves grace when we look at any damaging behavior or habit we have because it almost always points to something in our lives that we are not happy with or a current hurt.
Jealousy can often show itself in desperation, over compensating, in peacocking, in lying, in silence in certain relationships, as passive aggressive comments during feedback of our work and the list goes on.
For me, when I examine my jealousy towards others, it happens because I have not trusted that where I currently am at is where I need to be.
Jealously implies that I should be somewhere else, doing something else, in someone else's lane.
Jealousy makes you feel like everything you’re currently doing is a waste, that all your gifts, achievements, greatness, and hard work is a waste, instantly.
Jealousy is of course great friends with comparison.
What combats jealousy is staring down reality and seeing that what I am currently doing is my work, or better yet our work. Everything we do impacts others and so our work is always so much bigger than just us and a paycheck.
My jealousy pops up when I wish I had a bigger studio, when I have slow times in my month, when I hear a really great song that all my friends were apart of that I had nothing to do with. (Please hear me, this isn’t a passive aggressive blog post... I love when my friends create things I get to enjoy)
When I feel like I am not being seen and heard, my jealousy pops up.
When I am looking for my worth and identity in my work, my jealousy pops up.
When I view where I am currently at is for me, that I am being true to my lane, and my gifting, my jealousy goes aways. Another incredible thing that happens when you combat jealousy is that your trust goes up. It has to.
When you are not jealous of others, then you trust that where you are at is exactly where you need to be and that the work you are doing is there to teach you something, grow you, lead you to your next one step.
What others are achieving is for them. Not for you.
So if we know that, then what do we do when we feel jealously come up. We celebrate those who are crushing it and we think, "If that can happen to them, then what can I achieve, what can I do?" This is a mindset shift. It shows that you believe that we all have a place, which we do. It shows that when your friends do something great, you can be apart of it instead of drawing a line in the sand. It allows for greater and deeper joy. It allows for deeper relationships. It creates open hands in which we hold everything, because after all, everything is a gift.
Jealousy often comes up in the music industry in ways that are so small it often gets dismissed as nothing.
In an industry that is all about being seen and heard, you can imagine that there are many people who are not seen and heard.
When this happens people either get louder or they remove themselves fully into isolation. When someone gets loud it can appear in the form of comments, feedback that is often spoken from a place of wanting control, power, and to be viewed as an alpha as opposed to giving feedback that comes from a place that wants to best serve the song and allow each person in the group to be trusted. I know this is true, because I did it early on in my career when I felt very replaceable or that I felt like I should be further along, when in reality, I had not put in the work yet.
Some people are better at things then you are. Accept this fact.
It doesn't make you less special or good at what you do. But if I can hand one piece of advice down to other people in the industry, it's that you need to trust that what your good at is good enough.
I see people scramble all day long trying to produce, song-write, mix, master, manage, and they often look like a dog chasing their tail. Often this is birthed out of jealousy and a fear that they are missing out on something, an opportunity - when in reality they are just spreading themselves too thin. I know this is true because I used to do this. I did it because I wanted to be heard, seen, viewed as talented, or that I needed the instagram likes and follows. All of it is a waste and exhausting. It creates a spirit of competition and jealously.
Once I gave up all those things, those motives, and began to focus on what I am great at, what I actually have expertise in, everything changed. Jealousy became a distant memory. My life got better, my business grew by doing less essentially and focusing on what I can do in the present. I began to celebrate others, help others, and began to view the world as abundant instead of scarce.
My testimony to all of this, is that when I did this, I began to see glimpses of a career that lasts, of relationships that are healthy, and a lifetime of work that is honest, pure, and not fueled by the desire to be heard and seen.
It is work that is fueled by trust and gratitude and this is what life is all about.
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